The Want List

stargazing“There’s the Orion. And that’s the Big Dipper”, said Sonia. Mayank nodded in accent. Sonia did not see his nodding for both were drowning self into the dark moonless sky, lit with countless stars. The green pasture on which they were both lying was supple with green blades of grass. A breeze carrying the scent from the river flowing behind the farmhouse rustled the grass and blew Sonia’s hair onto her face. Mayank turned to her and smiled. Sonia asked, “what’s it?”. “You are beautiful”, said he. She smiled and returned her gaze to the stars in the sky.

Sonia and Mayank had been along, in thick and in thin, for couple recent years. It worked excellent between them. Both were content and happy amidst the other. And both knew this fact and marvelled at it.

“Mayank, thanks for the lovely poem you wrote me today”, she said. She wasn’t looking at him. It was into the darkness above that she was speaking. While a gush of wind carried her words swept in its wakes to the fields around. “Thanks for finding it lovely”, returned Mayank.

Mayank wrote when at leisure. He wrote when he was worked up. And he wrote when he felt lonely. He never wrote with some motive or for some purpose. And he never wrote for someone’s sake. His writings were the result of a need of his to write. And the content was for the sole sake, merry and purpose of self. The poem he had written, one of the many he had for Sonia was written not to her, but for him. Sonia thanked for having given her it, which though written about her, was for himself. Mayank had thanked for she having been able to appreciate it.

It was one of the many nights when they would just lie down on the grass, under the wide open sky in the pasture by his farmhouse, his ancestral inheritance, and look up into beauty of the night, letting the breeze and the rustle and the other’s presence churn up the magic symphony of peaceful contentment.

“How was your week? Did your experiment on the photonic propulsion engine show results Mayank?” “No, the coolant pipes had to be repaired. And then we realised a major glitch in the after-load we were placing on the engines. We are working on it. The system will be powered again and assessed the next week.” “But you would be gone by then right?” “Yes. But Jack has my notes. He will be put in-charge.” “You sure you want to leave on my account?” “No Sonia, its for my sake that am doing it. And you know it as well.” “Yes, I do.”

Sonia had her marriage fixed the next week. And Mayank wanted to leave the city before the wedding. It was to be her wedding, not his.

“Mayank, can I ask you something?” “Do you have to?” “Yes.” “Then have I got a choice Sonia?” “Well you could stand up and run into the house!” “Yes, I could do that. But let me not, the night is too beautiful here. What is it?”

“Why did you never ask me for marriage?” “Why should have I asked you?” “Mayank, don’t deflect!” “Am not.” “All right. You want me to say it, right Mr Genius. Fine. When it works so well for us together, both are happy, thrilled, content and at peace with the other, why didn’t you want to have me there till ever?” “Well…”“Mayank I know it. I just want to listen it from you mouth.” “because Sonia, I could and possibly can never love you more than I love self.” “hmm, I know.”

“Wont you want to ask why I never asked you for marriage Mayank?” “Should i?” “Well you could.” “Then I choose to not ask.” “But I want you to know it Mayank.” “Will it help you?” “Yes.” “Well, then say it Sonia.”

“Because you cant be relied upon Mayank. You are too independent to ever be relied upon. You are too free to be ever tied to someone. You care too much about self.” “Is it wrong Sonia?” “No it isn’t.”

“I will miss you Sonia.” “So will I.”

“So where are you going from here Mayank?” “There’s a laboratory in Auckland. They are working on low-temperature fusion reactors. They are in need of an analyst. I am going there.” “Mayank, you sure cant stay for my marriage?” “No. I don’t want to see the guy to whom you are getting wed.” “You don’t want to or you cant..?” “I cant Sonia.”

“Mayank, is it like when given to choose between what one wants and what’s good for one, we both here are choosing what’s good for one?” “Isnt what’s good for one nothing but a factor towards realising what one wants more Sonia? Isnt it that your want for a secure life with a guy you can rely upon and mine for an independent untied existence greater than each’s want for other, consequenting this what we have chosen?” “That’s so true.”“Mayank, can I ask one last thing. Answer straight, whether you choose to or not. Did you feel torn when I told about my marriage a couple weeks ago?” “No. Only glad. I felt relieved. Didn’t want to impose the uncertain existence of mine on you.” “I knew.” “Thanks.” “What for Mayank?” “For knowing Sonia.”

And the next day saw both going separate ways. To lead separate lives. For life never has solutions. Only an optimal state of living in concordance with the list of priorities we hold. And its sane, rather perfectly sane to live thus. By One’s Want List.


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