I was fiddling with my code while my roomie walked in. He had a long face. It’s not that he always had one. He seemed extra desolate, in deep despair, thus the pronounced increase in the apparent length of his face. I returned my gaze to my laptop screen and typed in another two lines into the code. Kate Chruscicka’s Requiem for a dream was playing into my earphones. And he didn’t need my prodding. He coughed up.
“I proposed and she jilted me”. Well, better tragic now than later I thought. I don’t really hold love, emotions and other stuffs in high regard. But I kept my thoughts within. If he needed a shoulder to cry, he would have to go out find another.
He continued. “She said she was already in a relationship.” This while did come as a surprise, but was completely explainable. We hadn’t seen her hang out with any guy other than this roomie of mine. Pretty, with long legs and that gorgeous feminine poise, she sure would garnish any gathering with an ample serving of witticism and laughter. But she never got my heart skip a beat. I doubted if I was alexithymic. Yeah, it’s a medical condition, quite rare. Read of it recently. Apparently these people don’t feel emotions. Maybe I am amongst. While my mind was considering the possibility, he let out a sigh.
“She told me whom it was, this lover of her’s.” He sure was not going to spare me the length of his tragic tale. I hadn’t the least interest in him, her, or her love interest. But then aren’t roomies nature’s way of telling you ‘suck up, you haven’t always a say’, which we only later realize, as to be applicable as to ‘ever’ as well. His nasal twang preceded his dialogue that sounded like, “It’s her roomie, Sheetal. They are in love. She’s a lesbian. I am in love with a lesbian. What is to happen of me!”
This last proclamation sure got my attention. It was novel. The novelty made it interesting. And it put a lot of things into perspective. While two girls cozying up oft seems ‘cute’, this instance conjured up the image of it being ‘cheesy and steamy’ as a genuine possibility. Well, good for him I thought. They sure made a very plausible pair. Sheetal must have been the ‘guy’ in their lesbian relationship while his love interest the ‘miss’. It made me wonder, is it really always the case in a lesbian relationship, or a same-sex relationship for that, for one partner to be more feminine while the other more masculine?
I have no qualms with LGBT. But this incident got me wondering. The usual straight couples, it’s a mutualistic attraction of estrogen and testosterone. Funny are the cases where there is a mismatch between the gender of the partner and his hormonal personality-type. But more often than not, the divide of feminity and masculinity is well represented and quite balanced. Now does this personality dichotomy remain in same-sex relationships? While as it’s been popularized by media, be it gay couples or lesbian couples, there does occur a semblance of such dynamics. Lesbian couples got one partner quite a tomboy while gay couples got a man who is such a girl! But is it a rule, implicit maybe? If it were, then is there a possibility that it is indeed misplaced affection?
I am not trying to be judgemental here. It’s not about if it is wrong or right. I just ponder if it could be that my roomie’s love interest, the one that jilted him, fell for a ‘guy’ who happened to be biologically a girl. Or is it that she fell for her full cognizant of her being a girl, with ‘her being a girl’ being an essential motivation for her having fallen for her? Well I haven’t enough data to answer that, not inclination or energy to fetch them. I let it pass.
The code on the screen seemed complete, and the requiem crossed its crescendo and was mellowing to its end. My roomie looked at me with painful despair, hoping I would assuage his hurt and shoulder him in his moment of emotional tumult. But that would mean me having to break character. I thought it not worth doing. But then a roomie is a roomie. I eyed him suspiciously and mumbled, “Cheer up, don’t be so down beet. She could go both ways for all you know.” And I left while he looked at me in utter bewilderment. Hope it was good utter bewilderment. As in, you opened a crack of light into my dark dungeon kind of utter bewilderment. And not the ‘how can you be such an unfeeling ass’ one.